It took me years of struggling and hitting a constant wall before I realized I was self-sabotaging myself. My life had went off course and nothing was going right to the point where it almost felt like I had hit an all time low. I had no job, little money, relationship issues, bad luck, and no more passion to do what I loved. I felt stuck and I didn't know what to do but dwell on everything that was going wrong in my life. I became completely detached from everything around me and it pushed me further into denial.
Self-sabotaging is one of those things that creeps up on you if you aren't careful. It can be as minor as putting off daily chores or it can be more impactful like wanting a new love in your life but not making an effort to find it because you're afraid of rejection. Self-sabotage can happen to anyone and for some, it takes years before they wake up and push themselves out of the vicious cycle. For me, what made me look at myself in the mirror was reading more self-help books. For every part of my life, whether good or bad, I have always turned to the knowledge of books to enlighten me. To me, books are my therapy.
To get a better idea of what self-sabotaging looks like, here are some more examples of it. You'll be surprised by how common some of them really are!
1. Procrastination: Putting off tasks until the last minute or avoiding them altogether, even when they're important or necessary. Things like not cleaning your home, taking care of your pets, getting involved with your children's school activities, or putting off getting a job.
2. Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and becoming paralyzed by the fear of failure which can quickly lead to avoidance or abandonment of tasks altogether. When there's no wiggle room for error, you set yourself up for failure because deep down you know nothing will ever be perfect yet you strive for it anyways.
3. Negative self-talk: Engaging in constant self-criticism or negative thinking can erode your self-confidence and motivation. Before you even give yourself a chance to try, you have already determined you aren't good enough or that something wont work out which pushes you even further away from your wants and desires.
4. Overthinking: Getting stuck in cycles of overanalyzing situations or decisions that can lead to indecision or inaction. When you overthink, you become immobile and stuck. Rather than going with one option and seeing where it takes you, you stay in one place with your thoughts taking the wheel instead.
5. Avoidance of success: Fear of success can lead many of us to unconsciously avoid opportunities or sabotage our efforts just when success is around the corner. It often happens to those who aren't confident in themselves as they are unable to imagine a certain level of happiness for themselves, leading them to stay in their comfort zone.
6. Self-medication: Turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, substance abuse, or binge eating just because they temporarily numb your emotions. For awhile you're problems don't exist and that becomes a moment you live for. This can quickly take you down a path of turbulence so it's best to tackle this as soon as possible!
7. Setting unrealistic goals: Setting goals that are too ambitious or vague without breaking them down into more manageable steps will only make you overwhelmed and more likely to give up. This is another form of fantasizing where we like the idea of our goals in our head but in reality there is much more to it that we have to be honest with ourselves about.
8. People-pleasing: Prioritizing others' needs and opinions over your own can leave you feeling resentment, burnout, and your own goals getting neglected. Instead of having healthy boundaries in place, you may bend over backwards for others for approval or to make up for your lack of confidence.
9. Isolation: You withdraw from new social interactions or avoid opportunities to connect with others because you're afraid of rejection or vulnerability. If you struggle with low self-esteem, you will most likely push people away as an attempt to protect yourself but you'll only end up feeling lonely.
10. Self-handicapping: Intentionally creating obstacles or excuses to justify potential failure such as not preparing adequately for a task or blaming external factors for one's shortcomings. When you can't face the task before you, any little inconvenience is enough to make you walk away from it altogether.
Now all of these sound fairly shocking but the good news is that even if you may find yourself sabotaging yourself, it can be as temporary as you allow it to be; just know when to get professional help! The human spirit is very resilient which is why we often have to hit a low point before we can choose a better path for ourselves. The low points in our life are often wake-up calls that we have ignored for some time and when we've had enough, we finally pull back the curtains.
Handling self-sabotage methods requires you to be vulnerable and honest with yourself. Like really, really, honest. When you're ready for a new phase of your life that is more loving and open, you will know how to move forward. Since I had a hard time being honest with myself and receiving advice from others didn't help me do any better, I turned to books as I always have.
You will likely have to find what works for you so that you can give yourself the happiness you truly deserve. So stop self-sabotaging yourself and go find the best version of yourself. Even better - create it.
Until next time! - Sarah xoxo
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